Accept friendship fallout as they come and let whatever hurt you go. I am here not to make you comfortable by the way, but to tell you some hard truths. Some of the most common phrases I hear from people after a friendship fallout is “after all I did for him or her” or “I can’t believe they did this to me” or “friendships are not real nowadays”. I am sorry that your experiences with friendships have been terrible but until you learn to set healthy boundaries around your friendships, then nothing is going to change.
Felling down and sad after a friendship fallout is totally okay but dwelling so much on it after is not something you should do. Life happens, people change and accepting that will help cushion the blow. Why are you dwelling so much on the fact that, you did so much for the person. Did that person not do anything for you too? We should stop making people look so bad and analyze our friendships more objectively. From my view, we tend to go into friendships with some kind of unrealistic expectations. You know what is worst? These expectations are internalized and often not communicated to the person involved. How is that fair? And then when you are disappointed because your expectations aren’t met, then the person becomes a bad friend.
Just as communication in relationships cannot be overemphasized, we should do the same with friendships. In short, stop having unrealistic expectations regarding friendships. Most of us are in friendships because of what we can get from the other person. Take time and self-reflect on why you are friends with some of the people in your life. You can be cordial with a lot of people and not be friends. Do not mistaken cordiality with friendships. You are not bound to make someone your friend because they helped you out. Show them genuine gratitude and move on. We also throw the term friendship around so loosely, making it lose its intended meaning. There are different circumstances when we meet people and become friends but make a mental note to stop being friends with people for the benefits.
Now to the issue of
setting healthy boundaries. Your friends are not to come through for you all
the time and vice versa. It is okay and normal for you to say no to
your friends and your friends to do same. If you are keeping score of the times
your friends did not come through for you and when they did then there is
something wrong with this friendship. These
sometimes lead to the harboring of ill intentions towards other people. Shed off that sense of entitlement and you will be less disappointed
Let’s learn to love and form formidable friendships based on who those people are and shower them with the love and support they need.
We will continue another time, until then, be more understanding towards your friends. Let's give our kind of people we say to love some form of break.
Insightful
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